If i were you.. I'd just say it..

"hello"..

What if it was as easy as that? What if calling that once memorized number and not hanging up after a quick 4 seconds was possible? ...well, possible for me? I am sure I am not the only shatter hearted girl out there. I am sure others have troubles.

"will he ever know"

my head throbs with the sick presumption that he'll never be conscious of what he put me through...all because I don't have enough dignity in myself, to scream it! My heart cant seem to pause, or better yet - stop, the depressing music resounding through my veins and out my eyes,lips,fingers. Close friends most likely are tired of hearing my behind backs whispers of secret suffering regarding you. I would be. More than an annoyance of me, I would guess they hate him.

It's sad, because he isn't all together awful.. Oh my, what am I even saying? he is! My mind is tricking myself, even now! He isn't great, he isn't 50% close to perfect- or 20 for that matter, and the flawless portrait hanging in the mind is but a dream; a deceitful box of airy cloud, ready to disappear the moment fingertips touch its false existence.

One day, I'll decide I have wasted enough time remembering your name. One day I'll greet the sun and bid you farewell. That day, I'll open eyes to the reality of living, for in this moment and ones that surround, I am quite frigidly stuck-... quit dead.

A simple inspiration through a friend is all that this blog is. Maybe ones eyes will be opened.

Blessings,hope and life.

Cev

Almost...

It is officially the week of Christmas. It is sunny outside, I still have presents to get, and I am in desperate need of a craft day.

I love getting on here, and forgetting all of the creative ideas that have latched onto my mind these past couple days. Because now I am rambling. It is okay though, I will one day not only remember, but write down the ideas. Lets hope I learn from this mistake.

Never the less, I will ramble- it just makes this blog less interesting to the readers (which is you! thank you for reading..btw). Today i feel like a short story. I feel like googling top names in-(random country)- and making up a story. Yes, for the time being I'll escape today, but in the end, I'll have made new problems. Though, those problems are easily fixed where as most aren't. I can re-write an ending in 5 minutes. It might lack creativity, but with more time, a happy ending is tangible for that English named boy or girl.

this is to be continued.

Feel like stepping..

How long can i stand being in 34 degree weather in flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt? Is it worth a glance at the sky? Why would I even question, of course. Sometimes, I test my tolerance of being so cold. Just because. How loud can you turn up John Mayor in your car until it's too loud? Is it ever really distracting? Never too loud. I did bust one of my speakers.. Guess that was too loud..Is there ever a smile too vibrant? A laugh too joyful? A kitten too adorable (or in some opinions, a puppy)? What makes something hurtful? What if I were to create a wall shielding pain, and open to love. Wouldn't that be interesting. What makes some accents irritating, and some addicting? What makes gestures contagious, or yawns? So many questions. I just feel like asking them today. Anything random, anything non-relevant. (What's new? Usually I am not relevant. ) What predicts one's mood of a day? What makes one miss another? ---People,We are detailed. Our lives and personalities are an intricate outline some written in cursive, some in Times New Roman. Let's figure out ourselves and figure out each other. Why not? What's a breath without a step. I feel like stepping. I feel like jumping.

I feel like laughing. I feel like living.

How about yourself?

Love.Cev.

The Shadow

This is half free verse, pieces rhyme.. I was just in the mood to write something..

Forced to the ground by the sun's mite,

darkness was behind her

shaped like her, following her.

She was airy and carefree with every step

wandering down an unfamiliar avenue.

She knew something,someone was near.

A presence opposite of her own,

listening to more than her breaths,

hearing her thoughts, interpreting them

into a foreign language.

Quickly she fluttered away,

the spirit mocking her posture, her grace.

her thoughts turned chaotic,

her peace- nonexistent, as she turned in circles,

pulling her hair.

"You know my name, you hear my heart,

you follow me oh! so closely.

I've been fleeting your existence,shunning you face-

why? you still remain?"

She spoke to the air, no one was there

except the whistling breeze.

Over her shoulder she twisted her neck

with a gasp she screamed- "It's me!"

Tell me your thoughts.. and I'll tell if your interpretation matches mine.

-cev